Friend Or Foe?

What do you know about starting a blog? What compelling, unique insights are you going to be able to cobble together? And who cares anyway? Can you spell E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-S-I-N-G? Wow, ok, this better be really good. If you want people to take you seriously. I mean P-E-R-F-E-C-T. From the beginning. No mistakes…

And so it went. And so it goes. I knew I could count on him. The reliable diatribe. This time it was about my creating a blog, next time it’ll be something else. Never failing to show up whenever I’m feeling insecure, uncertain, afraid, or getting ready to start something new.

My inner self-critic, always on, playing in the background, and for the longest time, I didn’t even realize what it was, or its effect on me.

I would constantly get in my own way, because I didn’t know how to properly be with it. That part of oneself that constantly criticizes, ridicules, berates, abuses, and even sabotages. Like an overprotective parent, it does this to keep us safe. To protect us from failure. At the same time, keeping us in our comfort zone and causing us to “play small.”

Fast forward to present day and years of self-discovery later, I’ve changed my relationship with my inner self-critic. I no longer allow it to undermine my confidence, mood, and/or motivation for an hour, let alone days.

Let It Come. Be Curious.

Rather than suppress the emotions, I choose to allow them to come up, justifiable or not. To just be with them. No matter what feelings surface. I recognize that when I try to push them away, or rationalize them—saying I shouldn’t feel this way or that—I only amplify them. Ignoring, or avoiding the emotions only makes things worse.

Now, I even go a step further and ask myself—what can I learn from them? I get curious. I rationally evaluate the criticism and determine what’s true, and what’s not, and to what degree. Then I accept the truth and dismiss the falsehood. Identifying what’s true and learning from it, helps me to feel I’m even better prepared. To rise to the occasion. Perform in alignment with my high expectations. 

Let It Go. Be Compassionate.

As soon as I hear my inner critic complaining, I sit with the information. Always ask myself if there’s anything I can learn. That said, if what it’s telling me saps my confidence, I nip it in the bud and move on. I don’t surrender to anxious, negative thoughts any longer. I don’t judge myself harshly. I keep going with increased awareness and self-compassion. 

While it’s a process, I’ve developed a more balanced relationship with my self-critic. I don’t ignore or avoid it, and the emotions it raises, but I also don’t allow myself to be bullied by it. 

What’s your relationship with your inner self-critic? What thoughts come up for you when you consider starting something new? Where does your inner critic get so loud you can’t hear your own thoughts anymore? Dig into those places. That’s where the good stuff is.

The sooner you take steps to free yourself from your inner critic, the sooner you’ll experience the confidence, inner peace and success you deserve. If you’re interested in learning more, shoot me an email and we can talk.

WHO IS REMM CURTIS?

REMM CURTIS IS an executive coach working with NYC and beyond's best and brightest leaders stay at the top of their game. If you would like to talk about what the best version of you could look like, get in touch.