How To Be Kind And Hold People Accountable At The Office

Having good communication habits doesn’t mean we never experience conflict, or become angry; it means having the tools, inner resources, and self-assured energy to navigate tough situations skillfully when they arise. 

This post, and the script within it, is here to help you show up with increased confidence, trust, ease, and wisdom during your next difficult employee feedback session.

Looking To Be Real And Brave? 

While blaming and judging someone is often easier (and less vulnerable) than sharing how we genuinely feel, learning how to speak openly, honestly and authentically is critical to becoming a more confident leader, as well as forging better, happier and more productive employees. 

Being real and brave means you’re willing to take a risk and speak from your heart. When we express our feelings directly, rather than blame others for our unmet needs, there’s less defensiveness and time spent arguing mindlessly. Can you separate your interpretations and judgments from how you actually feel?

Next, ask yourself what’s really important in this situation? What do you want, value or need? Prioritize what you DO want, rather than focusing on what’s wrong, what we don’t like, or what we want to stop.

Connect your feelings to what matters to you, rather than to the other person’s actions. For example, “I feel hurt because I want…,” rather than “I feel hurt because you said/did…” 

When we speak and act in alignment with our values, we engage with more confidence, clarity, and integrity.

How To Empower Your Team

With this inclusive, respectful approach, you’re showing up as the leader you want to be, and they need, rather than the reactive, dismissive one. Your team respects and trusts you more, because you show up for them—acknowledging their struggles and feelings, and helping them to realize their full potential—rather than dominating the conversation, and shutting down those around you.

Your employees are not problems, they’re people. Importantly, that doesn’t mean you don’t hold them accountable for doing good work. You can be humane, and hold people accountable, while also providing clarity around roles, responsibilities, and expectations.

You can be clear with expectations and hold people accountable, and do it in a way that makes them feel empowered, instead of small. 

What Does Being Humane And Holding People Accountable Sound Like?

Next time you’re preparing for a difficult feedback session with your senior report, try this script, and feel free to adjust it to better fit your unique circumstances:

A Great Leader’s Script For Delivering Constructive Feedback:

“Phil, you’re doing a great job managing your team. They love you, and your whole group is getting more productive every month. I love the systems you’ve implemented. Now that you’ve gotten your arms around your team, I’d like you to prioritize building relationships and coordinating with your peers. We need to be synced up at the leadership level and I have the impression that not everybody knows what your team is doing. Can I ask you to make sure you prioritize getting to know your peers better and sharing your goals with them and getting them to share theirs with you? Let’s touch base next month to see how it’s going. What help do you need from me?”

Notice that the whole tone of this is positive. It’s clear that you appreciate your employee, that you see what they’re doing well, and the specific thing you’re asking them to develop, and then there’s even a bit of a follow-up plan with a date. 

The Results: More Confident Leadership; Better, Happier, More Productive Employees

The more self-aware we are, the more choice we have in how we want to show up and respond (agency). 

You may be surprised to discover that your process of self-discovery and growth comes with the added benefits of increased confidence, trust, ease, and wisdom. You’ll find yourself navigating challenging conversations and personalities by leaning in with a calm and self-assured energy, despite any fear and difficulty you may be feeling.

In doing so, you’ll create a safe, supportive container where great work can be done, and importantly, where difficult conversations can be had, bad news shared and taken in, and negative feedback delivered. 

If you find yourself frustrated with your employees, and the constant battle to inspire and motivate them so that they can do their best work, shoot me an email and we can talk.

WHO IS REMM CURTIS?

REMM CURTIS is an executive coach working with NYC and beyond's best and brightest leaders stay at the top of their game. If you would like to talk about what the best version of you could look like, get in touch.